this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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