Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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