Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
