i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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