Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
