I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
