3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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