I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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