we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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