Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
