I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
