and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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