I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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