ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
home. puking in laundry basket.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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