i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
