We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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