Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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