Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
and you fell through a lawn chair
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
