You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
