btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
