Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dear god my vagina.
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