So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize