Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
