so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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