To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
