if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He shit in the fireplace
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
