Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
