I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
