You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize