i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I look better un-naked...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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