3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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