Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2421) Bad night (743)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (27933) Bad night (1823)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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  (202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk
  Replies (22) Good night (2835) Bad night (734)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

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  (803): I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship http://tfl.nu/p7or
  Replies (15) Good night (3754) Bad night (1755)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

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  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1168) Bad night (3067)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings

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  (214): More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings http://tfl.nu/n37n
  Replies (14) Good night (2712) Bad night (1313)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.

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  (401): Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since. http://tfl.nu/058n
  Replies (7) Good night (1346) Bad night (4817)
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  (213): View more from California

  I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.

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  (213): I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing. http://tfl.nu/4hkr
  Replies (1) Good night (805) Bad night (2376)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing

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  (404): I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing http://tfl.nu/nbfy
  Replies (25) Good night (864) Bad night (1444)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.

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  (507): You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face. http://tfl.nu/rpml
  Replies (12) Good night (601) Bad night (1096)
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  (530): View more from California

  I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big

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  (530): I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big http://tfl.nu/j8o0
  Replies (8) Good night (1330) Bad night (436)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

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  (615): Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help? http://tfl.nu/mn7q
  Replies (0) Good night (471) Bad night (844)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.

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  (319): More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy. http://tfl.nu/fj2g
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (472)
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  (818): View more from California

  Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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  (818): Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors. http://tfl.nu/xlbe
  Replies (4) Good night (1018) Bad night (379)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.

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  (508): It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience. http://tfl.nu/aded
  Replies (3) Good night (1176) Bad night (323)

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