The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.