It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.