Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.

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  (832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up. http://tfl.nu/vunl
  Replies (27) Good night (1100) Bad night (1809)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high

  (954): View more from Florida

  Yeah, I don't like babies at all

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  (404): I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high (954): Yeah, I don't like babies at all http://tfl.nu/6jzu
  Replies (11) Good night (3261) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3181) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  don't read that magazine bro. I came in it

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  (570): don't read that magazine bro. I came in it http://tfl.nu/xo8s
  Replies (10) Good night (743) Bad night (3607)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications

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  (732): everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications http://tfl.nu/d1qr
  Replies (21) Good night (7344) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer

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  (613): i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer http://tfl.nu/3jhr
  Replies (7) Good night (3816) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.

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  (410): I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will. http://tfl.nu/52i2
  Replies (11) Good night (3635) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

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  (901): when i was alone, his dick was there for me... http://tfl.nu/g7ma
  Replies (32) Good night (4975) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.

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  (774): just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break. http://tfl.nu/t20t
  Replies (2) Good night (2077) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.

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  (910): I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair. http://tfl.nu/qnzd
  Replies (4) Good night (1562) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?

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  (206): Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/2o7o
  Replies (8) Good night (1344) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.

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  (952): Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/n35v
  Replies (6) Good night (1036) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame

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  (516): Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame http://tfl.nu/dqi5
  Replies (2) Good night (1673) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.

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  (585): The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many. http://tfl.nu/e659
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.

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  (847): I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am. http://tfl.nu/8371
  Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (402)

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