Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one