but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
