Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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