It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
