I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
