no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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