The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
