This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
