And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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