I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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