I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize