All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he thought i was a dude.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
