Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
