i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
