I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize