drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
