sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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