Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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