Please, let me fuck your mom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
