I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
