Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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