apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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