My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Im part way to drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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