he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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