even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
