So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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