dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
