...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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