I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
