If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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