when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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