Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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