She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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