Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
