I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
