you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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