I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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