you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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