Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
